I think he was a classic example of taking lemons and making lemonade. His life could not have been easy, especially as a child and young person. When I was growing up, "the scandal" was still being whispered about - even though at that point he was grown with children and grandchildren. You see, his parents were not married when he was conceived, which is not necessarily a scandal. The story goes like this: When Cora Groff told Ben Garner in the early spring of 1906 that she was pregnant, instead of doing the responsible thing and marrying the young woman as was proper, Ben took off for Ohio to take sanctuary with family members there. When Cora realized she had been abandoned, she went to Ben's parents (Charles and Elizabeth Garner). Charles and "the boys" (Charles' brothers?? Ben's siblings?? Cousins?? - I never heard any explanation for "the boys") went to Ohio and drug Ben back objecting to having to marry Cora or claim the baby. Cora and Ben married in Lancaster in April of 1906, and Ralph was born August 5, 1906.
Cora and Ben went on to have 4 other children and by all accounts grew close and happy. However, Ben looked at Ralph as the fault of all this mess and by Ralph's own account he was not treated well as a child by his father. He was shuffled from family member to family member who had work to keep him busy, and is why his school education was lacking. In the 1910 census he is listed as age 3 and living with his parents and a sister. In the 1920 census he is living with his maternal grandparents (Joseph and Josephine Groff) on their farm in Lancaster county. In the 1930 census he is living with his parents and 3 siblings.
I remember him as a loving husband, father, and grandfather. He was far from perfect, but I believe he wanted a good relationship with his own family and worked hard to have this. In my memories, he did seem close to his mom and siblings. I do not ever remember him making unkind or bitter comments about his father, he simply did not talk about him.
Reba said that after they married in 1935, she realized she would need to be the bridge to mend the relationship between father and son. Apparently as Ralph got older, the relationship did mend between these 2 men, but no one has ever told me they were close.
