AUNT MARY GARNER – the scandalous relative we do not discuss

 AUNT MARY GARNER – the "scandalous" relative we do not discuss 


Every family has at least one. The relative we do not discuss…

 I recently had a chance to do some research on my great Aunt Mary Garner.  I did not find her to be particularly a scandalous person, but for her time I can just imagine the gossip.

 Mary’s parents were Ben & Cora (Groff) Garner, who married in April 1906.  (See my blog for that story: https://lancastercountyfamilyties.blogspot.com/2020/05/garner-ralph-hoopla-around-his-birth.html ). The children of this union were:

**Ralph 1906-1986

**Mary 1908-1966

**Ella 1910-1994

**Clyde 1913-1956

**Lester 1915-2012

I do not find much, even photos for gr-aunt Mary in either my mom’s or grandma’s photos or papers.  However, my mom had a lot of memories of visits with her, so I did not get the feeling Mary was some sort of social outcast. At least not an outcast at my grandparent’s home (which should surprise no one considering the family gossip about my grandfather). Two siblings that were close in age, and both the butt end of gossip.

I only have one photo of young Mary.  She is among numerous other Garner relatives at a reunion in June 1923.  She would have been in her mid-teens. She had a profoundly serious look about her.

Source: my personal collection



    Growing up I knew gr-Aunt Mary was married to Ben Kreider and that they had no children.  But anything else was hush hush.  She was dead before any of my own memories, but I can think of many questions I would have liked to ask her if I had had the opportunity.

According to a clipping from the Lancaster New Era, Ben Kreider and Mary Garner married on March 24, 1928 at the parsonage of the First Methodist Church by Rev. A. M. Witwer.

Source: Ancestry & Lancaster New Era newspaper


According to some military documents that I found on Ancestry; Ben was in the Army from at least 1941-1943. Was their union already in trouble prior to him going off to war, and this was the final straw?

Going back to the Lancaster New Era newspaper, Ben Kreider filed for divorce in Oct. 1942 on grounds of desertion.  They separated in 1940 so I would have to say there were already obvious problems before Ben went off to war.

Source: Ancestry & Lancaster New Era newspaper


    Whatever happened divorce-wise, Mary took back her maiden name.  My impression from comments made was that Mary was truly angry and bitter toward Ben until she died.

The Ben Garner family was together on the farm in Quarryville during the summer of 1943 and took time to pose for a photo.


Source: my personal collection


This photo was taken in the mid to late 1940’s at my grandparents’ home in Lancaster, PA. Obviously Mary was welcome (despite her scandalous behavior) and was part of the family group.

Source: my personal collection


Here she is with her parents, probably on the family farm in Quarryville, PA circa 1950.

Source: My personal collection



Ben & Cora celebrated their golden wedding anniversary in April 1956. The family had a professional picture taken.  Clyde was sick with cancer at this point and would not live out the year.

Source: My personal collection

Mary died in 1966, also of cancer.  She is listed in her obit as “Miss” Mary Garner.  There is no mention that she ever married. She worked at Hamilton Watch Factory for many years.

Source: My personal collection



Obviously, gr-Aunt Mary worked and supported herself.  She had gotten some education and was a member of a church.  She was welcomed by family for at least some family functions.  Why did she and Ben divorce really?  She deserted him why? I do not remember her name ever mentioned with another man when she was discussed.  Whatever happened between Ben Kreider and Mary was known at the time, but not discussed to those of us who had no reason to know.

Let’s face it, every family has those relatives we do not discuss.  Sometimes why is kept quiet, other times it is common news in the papers for all to see.  Let me encourage you to just keep asking questions and keep searching. 

Before social media, people tended to regard personal privacy as a normal thing.  The why of happenings is not going to be easily found, but that does not mean the answer is not out there.

As for Mary, I am going to keep looking on Family Search and Ancestry to see what other information is available.  I will also try to order the divorce papers from the Lancaster County Archives too – who knows what information will turn up in that……


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